PROCRASTINATION is a probably a crap title for a blog posting if you want lots of visitors to your site.
I found this out while surfing other people's blogs. had tried an experiment by calling her postings things like "pussies" and "tits" and had had many more visitors than usual.
She did, to be fair, include a picture of cats and two beautiful blue tits, which I'm sure was a powerful comfort to watery-eyed men using Google search to try to find a pneumatic lass with whom to share their oh so lonely nights.
But I'm going to leave "procrastination" as my title because, well, wittering on about blue tits stops me from having to write about what I really intended to write about which was…. what was it? ….. procrastination.
I am an arch procrastinator. Faced with a kitchen which will require an industrial-strength vacuum and a couple gallons of bleach to clear up the detritus of last night's supper, I turn on my computer and start looking at other people's blogs.
However, if I think it's about time I tried to dredge up another oh-so-witty posting (no comments required, dear readers) from the liquefied gloop that passes for my brain these days, I start wiping down worktops and turn into Kim from TV's Kim and Aggie fame. For those of you who don't know, Kim and Aggie visit people whose houses are so filthy they make mine on a bad day look like something out of Ideal Homes.
They then proceed to harangue them about housework and scare them witless by collecting germs and bacteria and breeding them on petrie dishes. Aggie (who's Scottish) will then say something like, "Och aye the noo [I might be exaggerating the accent slightly], behind your cooker you have Slutticow bacteria and Black Death viruses." BEHIND the cooker? I never even knew my cooker had a behind.
Kim is definitely the scariest of the two, having piled-up brassy hair, high heels, and feather-trimmed Marigolds.
Anyway, that's by-the-by. What I really wanted to talk about was procrastination. But do you know what? I can't be bothered. It's 9am on a Sunday morning and I'm going to make a lovely pot of proper coffee and have some toast and marmalade. This marmalade was made by my friend Sally, and it's the most delicious marmalade you've ever tasted - full of really chunky bits of peel and nutty bits.
Later I will get to grips with the housework. That's when I've finished my book. And didn't one of my friends lend me this month's Marie Claire? It's a lovely day; I might go for a walk. Time I phoned my mother too ..............................................................................


  1. Ma'am, you need a few gophers to do your chores for you. A dominatrix never does any housework because her clients pay her for the privilege of doing it for her. All she has to do is bark out commands. Have you ever considered being a dominatrix, Ma'am? I sense you might have a talent for it.

  2. I was going to post something witty, but I'll do it later...

  3. I followed a link from 'Allthingswomanly'

    Great blog, I'll be back to read more. :)

  4. I'm back and been reading more - Tattoos - I have one! Use by dates - I daresn't look in my cupboard. Shop till you drop - left a comment. Can't wait to read further back. :)

  5. Hello, I have seen you on some of the blogs I frequent so popped over to say hello.

    I was getting 'undesirables' looking at my blog - then quickly disappearing - due to illustrating a post with a crowing cock. Of course, the comments did the rest ...

  6. I HATE that show. I try to avoid watching anything which causes me to feel bad about my lack of domesticity. I wached Anthea Turner once on "How to be the Perfect Housewife" and I now have to fold my towels so none of the outside edges are visible. How sad is that?

  7. don't talk to me about procrastination! It's my middle name! I'm quite fancying the dominatrix idea - one of the Grannies at school is one - some bloke pays her £150 for the priviledge of cleaning her house from top to bottom!

    Has anyone ever look at - it's an American site that you can sign up to. In a day they will flood your email box with reminders to do things about the house. it's tryly frightening.

  8. I've looked at that Flylady site as well, it asks you if you have C.H.A.O.S., Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome...because your house is too messy. That's my house. But give me the proper coffee and marmalade over housework any day, I mean who is going to eat anything from behind the black death cooker? So does it matter?

    Have just remembered I write a recipe blog and let me assure you all that my cooker is spotless.

  9. kim puts the fear of god into me...!

    I class procrastination as a hobby.

  10. Mr Bananas: I rarely do housework but don't pay anyone else to do it either. I would rustle up a few bunches of bananas as payment for you to do it but I don't think a frilly pinny would suit you.

    Alelamalu: Thank you for your comments. I recognise, sitting here in my dotage, that tattoos are an age thing so my comments hide more than a little envy!

    Mutterings and meanderings: Wish I'd seen that picture... Well, I am a farmer's daughter.

    Miss Understood: The thing I hate about housework is that no sooner have you worked your fingers to the bone getting it looking all spick and span, then you have to start all over again. As for Anthea Turner .....I saw that programme once and thought she had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and shouldn't be held up as an example!

    Sylvia: If only someone would pay me for the privilege of doing my housework. I'm sure, with a little practice, I could crack the whip quite convincingly!

    Pig In The Kitchen: I know the CHAOS theory so well. I don't know about you but I have that female guilt thing where I feel that it's all my fault when the house is messy (which is most of the time!), even though TWO of us (plus one cat) live in it.

    Beki: Kim and Aggie really are a scary duo. I'm not sure they are a role model any woman, or man, should aspire to!

  11. Found anyone to do your housework yet?

  12. I thought I was the queen of procrastination, but I bow to your superiority and hand over the crown. My one failing is my need to clean the kitchen as soon as dinner is over. Everything else can wait.