Facial Recognition

A rather adorable Shar Pei puppy.

I remember reading an article about supermarkets installing facial recognition technology at their check-outs so they can determine your gender and approximate age and so better target products.

I'm not sure if it ever happened - but I live in deepest darkest rural Devon so if it has, we'll be the last to get it. Some advantages, then, of living in the ass end of beyond.

This is how it works. You pop into Tesco for your weekly fix of Turkey Twizzlers. There is a screen at the till,  your face is scanned  and the next thing you know you are being bombarded with adverts for poultry-related fast food products.

I can't get very hot under the collar over what some people have branded "an invasion of privacy"because it's already happening on the internet. You look on Amazon for a gift for your 85-year-old aunt and the next thing you know ads for incontinence pads and anti-wrinkle cream pop up on every site you visit; like every octogenarian is sitting at home pissing themselves, worrying about how they're going to pull a toy boy when they have a face like a Shar Pei puppy's.

Sure as eggs is eggs, I will never be shown an advert for anything aspirational. No trendy clothes,  designer jewellery, holidays on Bali and sexy sports cars for me. No, it will be stairlifts, facial hair removers and gadgets to help you put on your socks.

Worse, I could be shown gadgets for getting rid of nasal hair, treatments for erectile dysfunction and a book on How To Pull Birds When You're In Your Eighties because I've been mistaken for an old man.

So you’d better perk up and look  your best every time  you pop into the supermarket. No trackie  bottoms,  jumper covered in cat hair and mascara smudges under your eyes, not unless you want WHAT WERE YOU THINKING to flash up on a screen in front of you.


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  1. Yep the internet thing bothered me at first but I just sort of laughed it off. If the government or stores have nothing better to do then keep up with me....have fun! haha.

  2. Exactly - I can't really hide my gender and age, you only have to look at me! (I'm a very attractive woman of 30, of course.......I wish!)

  3. Too late for me then. I've been wearing trackie daks and cat hair to the shops for years now.

    1. Me too! Can't be doing with all that make-up etc just to pop to the shops.