I've had a cull of all the apps on my tablet. It was becoming clogged up with things that seemed like a good idea at the time but which I used only once or twice and never again.
Like the housework prompt. I know I need to get the feather duster out for the cobwebs, I don't really need reminding. Then there were all those games which as soon as you downloaded them tried to make you pay extra if you got stuck. Stuff that. I'm not paying £1.99 to make three cherries line up so I can get on to the next level.
But it got me thinking, if I could develop my own app, what would it do?
I decided The Man Manager would be a surefire best-seller. I know some of you women are lucky enough to be with paragons of virtue. Unfortunately, I am not, although I wouldn't swap him for anyone, not even George Clooney.
So, this app of my mine, he can download it onto his tablet and, as if by magic, he:
- learns that beer is not one of the major food groups;
- picks up damp towels in the bathroom instead of leaving them in a wet mess on the floor where they become smellier by the minute;
- learns how to stack the dishwasher properly and turn it on;
- knows the correct response to, "Do I look fat in this?" is, "No, I thought you'd lost weight. Anyway, you could wear a sack and still look beautiful.";
- has the ability to drink fizzy drinks without belching;
- develops an aversion to busty young blondes and the ability to pass one without muttering under his breath, "You don't get many of those to a pound.";
- develops a passion for dumpy women who are getting on a bit;
- recognises that the remote control for the TV is a separate entity and does not become welded to his hand the minute he sits down on the sofa to watch a sports match;
- has the ability to forget every football statistic that currently crams what passes for a brain and instead remembers just ONE - his partner's birthday.
Disclaimer: No men were harmed in the writing of this post
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