There I was
lackadaisically (lackadaisical is my default setting these days) surfing the
net when I came across one of those lists that proliferate. You know, the 100
Ways To Lance A Boil type of thing.
This one was 10
Flirting Tips. I don’t know why I started reading it. I'm over 60 and have been
in a happy relationship for 35 years. If I flutter my eyelashes, men don't rush
towards me with lustful intent but with handkerchiefs thinking I've picked up some dust in my eye while
bending down to tie the laces of my sensible shoes.
This one began,
"If you've ever been the subject of an accomplished flirt, you'll know how
flattering it can be." I racked my brains and could just about remember a
man telling me I was beautiful in 1984. I told the better half and he threatened
to confiscate the man's white stick and send his dog to kennels. Oh,
har-de-har.
This list promised
to have me "flirting like a professional in no time". Are there
professional flirters? It was never mentioned as an option by my careers
adviser when I was at school. No, all the girls were advised to be nurses,
teachers or secretaries. Hopefully, women's horizons have broadened somewhat since those unenlightened days back in the year dot.
Anyway, top of the
list was "start a conversation". Hmm, I've got that one down. I can
witter on about nothing with the best of them. So what words of wisdom do I
need to impart?
"The
best opening line is to say hello."
Wow! Who'd a thought... But thank God for that. I thought I was going to have to read up on Einstein's theory of relativity or compare and contrast the Scottish law system of the 18th and 21st centuries.
Wow! Who'd a thought... But thank God for that. I thought I was going to have to read up on Einstein's theory of relativity or compare and contrast the Scottish law system of the 18th and 21st centuries.
Then there was, "Be enthusiastic." I've
tried that but it's difficult to look fascinated when a man is telling you in
great detail about his collection of 1930s back scratchers or droning on about his journey around the M25. My eyes tend to
glaze over and a smile like a death mask fixes itself to my face.
"Be playful," was number three. I don’t
really know what that means. But I'm going to invite the next man I have my eye
on to a game of darts or Monopoly. That should do it.
There was "go it alone". Sensible advice.
I've known many a man run for the hills as my girlfriends and I, a little tipsy
after drinking too much red wine, have approached like a pack of hyenas after a
wildebeest. Others included things like "make eye contact but don't
stare" although they didn't specify at what point a flirtatious look turns
into a "help, is this woman a serial killer?" stare.
I must also "compliment him". That's
difficult with men who are my age. What do
you say? "I notice those false teeth of yours fit very snugly"
or, "The light is glinting quite fetchingly off the top of your bald head."
![]() |
"Use props". What, like this? |
But the one that got me flummoxed was "use
props". I'm not sure what that entails. I suppose I could go to a party
carrying the head of Bottom the ass from A Midsummer Night's Dream, but is that
flirting or more "steer clear of this lunatic"? I suspect the latter.
Reading on, I discovered it meant wearing a distinctive piece of jewellery or
carrying a foreign newspaper to get the conversation rolling.
That's kind of a relief, although I have a feeling that if I walk into a party wearing my best party frock carrying a newspaper under my arm I might as well be wearing a placard that says, "Do not approach!"
That's kind of a relief, although I have a feeling that if I walk into a party wearing my best party frock carrying a newspaper under my arm I might as well be wearing a placard that says, "Do not approach!"
Then it occurred to me that I already do a lot of
those tips so I can't understand why I don't have men falling at my feet. Well,
I could have men falling at my feet, but only when they trip over my Bottom's
head.
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I love those 10 way things, like the writer is an expert. Pretty sure some editor calls in a 20 something new hire and s says, "I need an article on how to flirt to fill some space.
ReplyDeleteThey left out "be yourself and be genuine."
I know! It's so annoying - at least, I find it annoying!
DeleteI love your sense of humor. Something tells me back in your day you held your own in the frirting department.
ReplyDeleteMaybe 30 years ago, Jean, but not since!
DeleteOnce upon a time I was a great flirt, actually, I still am, although now the flirting is muted and not expecting a return. But I haven’t ever used any techniques such as the ones you found in the 100 ways. I can’t remember ever using any techniques, it just came naturally.
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting my blog.
Some charismatic people do it without even trying! I think if you're trying too hard, it comes across as false and contrived.
DeleteI'm with Friko. Good times. Meanwhile, a 44 year old twice divorced male friend has been sharing his dating woes. Thank heaven for long, successful marriages! Eh? Be well, my dear.
ReplyDeleteNothing better than being in a happy relationship, makes most of life's woes pale into insignificance. So lucky.
DeleteThat was a funny post. I use to be and still am a flirt. Just a few weeks ago I flirted with a guy at a restaurant and when I left I found out he had paid for both my lunch and my female friends. Age has doesn't spoil the effect of a good listener.
ReplyDeleteOh wow! I'm coming to eavesdrop on your technique!
DeleteI got so excited...you used one of my favorite words. (FLUMMOXED) Flirting is an art and as we, the flirts of the world grow older that art gets fine tuned. When my daughter and I go out anywhere together, it's me who attracts the flirts and that makes her day. Me? I'm used to being a freak magnet and that's why I stay home most of the time.
ReplyDeleteI love that, "freak magnet"! I suppose they are sometimes interesting, as long as they're not too scary.
DeleteOh, how funny! It would be hard to flirt after being married so long, i'm glad i don't have that problem.
ReplyDeleteSome people are naturals. I'm not!
DeleteI think it's unfair that flirting comes so naturally to some, while others need to study up on it as if trying to pass an exam. These days I'm over 60 too and couldn't care less about flirting.
ReplyDeleteLike you, my flirting days are definitely over!
Delete