Now She Has Cats

"She had dreams and then she was kicked by a horse and now she has cats."
Robert de Niro as the crazy cat lady in Saturday Night Live

LEFT to my own devices without the steadying hand of the dearly beloved I I would rapidly turn into one of those mad women who live on their own in a tumbledown cottage on the edge of the village, surrounded by books and animals.

I can imagine it now.

I will be the one about whom mothers warn their children. "Don't hit your brother or Mad Woman will come and get you."

"If you carry on eating so much junk food you'll end up looking like Mad Woman."

Then the children will start teasing each other at school: "You love that Mad Woman, you do. She's your girlfriend, she is. You kiss her, you do."

I'll be the one walking down the street wearing a moving and purring "fur coat", pushing a pram full of cats and 'useful' items I have foraged from dustbins, dogs following at my heels.

Underneath my "fur coat" I will wear every single stitch of clothing I possess. I will laugh out loud for no apparent reason and talk to trees and walls. No one apart from the most intrepid social worker will ever visit me because my house will smell of cat pee and wild garlic with a subtle aroma of boiled cabbage and mould.

Legends will spring up about me having "treasure" buried in my garden and hordes of small boys with spades will dig big holes in the night and I'll never even notice because the garden is in such a state.

No one will dare hurt me because they'll be afraid I'll put a curse on them. I'll spend my days sitting in front of the fire reading, stopping only to eat stew made from roadkill and wild plants.

I'll never need buy another scrap of make-up or stitch of clothing, making do with what I already have until the end of my days.

Then when night falls I'll be kept warm in bed by four collie dogs and 25 cats who will eat me when I die.

Can't wait.

Before you leave:

You can follow me on: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest. As you can see, I have far too much to say for myself.
If you're a cat lover, take a look at this: NOT SO SWEET TOFFEE 


  1. Sounds like a good plan to me...only with dogs.

  2. There's something peaceful about that life. Well, not the smell...

  3. Sounds almost idyllic to me. Almost. The hitch in the plan would be I'd only have the one cat unless she dies before I do, and I don't think I'd eat roadkill stew.

  4. Sounds like my future too minus the dogs.

  5. Yikes! That's a bleak goal. ~snicker~ I like to picture myself in a seaside shack on the (hopefully still intact - darn Hurrican Dorian!) Outer Banks, North Caroling USA with a good furnace for heating and cooling, animals, and lots of delivery services for the tourist/traffic heavy summer months. Be well!

    1. I meant Carolina with an A, not Caroling. ~sigh~ Silly me.