Marriage - '60s Style

I was at secondary school in the '60s. In those days there wasn't much in the way of sex education. We were shown a video which mainly featured rabbits with some brief explanation of how this related to humans, which left most of us totally puzzled! (I wrote about this HERE.)

There was not even a nod towards equality between the sexes when it came to marriage. The man was in charge. End of.

This is an actual mind-boggling extract from a sex education school textbook for girls, printed in the early 60s in the UK:

When retiring to the bedroom, prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible. Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance, your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom, as he would have to do for his train. But remember to look your best when going to bed. Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious. If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night.

When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him. If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it. In all things be led by your husband's wishes; do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy. 

Should your husband suggest congress then agree humbly all the while being mindful that a man's satisfaction is more important than a woman's. When he reaches his moment of fulfilment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had.

Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent. It is likely that your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your clothing, freshen up and apply your night-time face and hair care products. You may then set the alarm so that you can arise shortly before him in the morning. This will enable you to have his morning cup of tea ready when he awakes.

Now, ladies. I suspect you have been disobeying some of these rules after retiring to the bedroom. Time to get back on the straight and narrow. After all, should your husband suggest congress you should agree humbly. Start practising those small moans to encourage him - don't forget this: Should your husband suggest congress then agree humbly all the while being mindful that a man's satisfaction is more important than a woman's.

How times have changed. At least, I hope they have!

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How To Slow Down Old Age

I'm not particularly worried about getting old as I intend to spend the twilight of my years as disgracefully as I can. I say "getting old" but I'm afraid I have to admit to myself that I have "got old".

Even so, I have made sure daytime TV, milk puddings, elastic stockings and discussing my health with random strangers do not figure in my life. 

In fact, you could well see me out and about in an Afghan coat, platform shoes and bell bottom trousers. If you do, don't assume I have lost my few remaining marbles, I will be endeavouring to slow down my gallop into old age.

Let me explain, I recently read some research which found that recreating your heyday could trick your mind into thinking you were living in that era and your body would follow suit.

The subjects of this research began the study with varying degrees of immobility and ill health. They were taken back to the 1970s, spending a week in a house which  had all the trappings of that glorious era, complete with a Teasmade, fondue set, pineapple and cheese on sticks, swirly wallpaper and lurid carpets. They were cut off from contemporary television and newspapers.

They began to forget their aches and pains and get a new lease of life as they not only remembered their glory days but began to live them all over again. It was quite uplifting and showed how important a positive mental attitude is when it comes to ageing. The six went through a battery of physical tests when they started the experiment and again when they left the house. All of them showed a significant improvement.

The study was run by Professor Ellen Langer who passionately believes we can all be healthier in old age. As there are more people in the UK over 80 than there are under 16, it is vital to improve the health of the elderly.

I've decided to drift back to the 1970s too and wear those clothes I mentioned early. So I'm on the lookout for some "props". If anyone has an eight-track player, fondue set or Betamax video recorder tucked away in their attic, let me know - I'll be round on my Lambretta to pick them up.

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Desirable (?) Collections

There I was up in the attic looking for some Tupperware I stored away in the 1990s -  my young neighbour having shown some interest in the brightly coloured plastic containers - when I came across a box of what I can only describe as "sundry items". There were albums, ornaments and postcards in varying stages of deterioration.

Word of advice. Never admit to collecting anything. Not unless every birthday and Christmas you want to be given more of those ‘desirable’ objects long after your herd of elephant ornaments has packed its trunk and trundled off up to the attic.

I myself have been guilty of taking the easy way out, buying gifts with little thought, because what could be easier than to find a present for a collector? 

 I don’t suppose children these days collect stamps but everyone did when I was at primary school. It was quite exciting finding stamps for all the countries and sticking them in your album…exciting for about a week.

A couple of terms later with those albums consigned to the darkest reaches of a bedroom cupboard behind the jigsaw puzzles with one piece missing and the counter-less Ludo sets, fond elderly relatives were still giving me little packets of brightly-coloured stamps, from countries like Sverige, Ruandi Urundi or Helvetia.

In my 20s there was a brief period when I collected ornaments shaped like shoes and handbags. I still have them somewhere and harbour a hope that one day people will suddenly wake up and decide that all they want to make their life complete is a four-inch high pottery handbag with matching shoes and is willing to pay a ton of money for the privilege.

Dinky toys are another collectable and these little cars which cost a few pence in the 1950s are now worth hundreds if they are in good condition. My brothers had dozens of these when they were young - if only they had kept them, preferably in their original boxes. But like all normal children they threw away the packaging and played with the toys until they fell to pieces.

Then I came across a story on the internet about a Winnie The Pooh fan. Unlike most people, her passion for Pooh (ew!) never waned and over the years she spent $100,000 on Winnie the Pooh memorabilia.

Although no value has been put on this pile of Pooh, among her 8,900 items is a limited-edition bee worth $1,000 and bears dating back to 1960 which could also be worth hundreds of dollars each.

So I’m back up to the attic to look for my box of ornamental shoes and handbags. Maybe among them is a rare facsimile of a Christian Louboutin shoe which will make me enough money to go out and buy a whole wardrobe full of the real thing.

I live in hopes. 

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