Around My Kitchen Table

The secret of happiness: be nice and have a laugh - and in the words of Miss Piggy, never eat more than you can lift

A Wee Bit Of Bother

The Man off out to an appointment:
Me: Have you had a wee?
The Man: FFS, I'm 63 not 8.

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Gifts and Gardening

"I am grateful, even though there is a risk that when I die they will have to winch me out of my bedroom window by crane while being filmed by the BBC."

Guilty Secrets

"I have developed the craftiness of an alcoholic but instead of a bottle of vodka in the bread bin, it’s The Blind Assassin in my wardrobe, Anna Karenina under my pillow and A Suitable Boy beneath the bed."

The CHAOS Theory

"Every so often the rubber gloves and feather duster come out. I am talking about house-cleaning, not some weird sexual practice for which certain men pay good money."

Rhubarbgate

"It was a truth, universally acknowledged that a single woman who came knocking on my mother's door was in want of rhubarb."

Maltesergate

"You'd never believe," he told me in horror, "how much chocolate there is on a Malteser!"

My Life As A Chicken Farmer

"I was covered in mud and chicken shit, my only consolation some free range eggs for my breakfast."

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

"I am never going to produce a seven-course banquet for 12 with last night’s left-overs and a tin of peas."

A Wee Bit Of Bother

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