Lessen The Grump In Gran




I've bought a skin cream that claims to fight the “seven signs of ageing”.

Oh good. Where do I rub it to stop me from having to get up in the middle of the night to pee?

I've also been looking for something to get rid of my  tendency to say embarrassing things out loud when I intended to keep them in my head.

And I hope this cream can stop me from beginning every sentence in an annoyed tone with "in my day…" The younger members of my family will be delighted.

Will it stop me from frequently feeling as unaccountably evil as Lady Macbeth going through the menopause?

And prevent me from going up to nubile young things at parties and saying, "Those shoes are going to ruin your feet," like some judgmental geriatric.

Will it stop me from looking at men in uniform and instead of thinking, "Phwoar,"   wondering if they've  bunked off school for the day?

Hopefully it will stop me from swearing at predictive text. Why, stupid phone and tablet, change a perfectly sensible sentence with every word spelled right into some incoherent gobbledegook? Why? Why?

Yes, I have high hopes for this cream. I'm anticipating it will not only make me look 30 again but will also make me act 30.

Not much to ask, is it? 





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16 comments:

  1. This post made me laugh. I need some of that cream!

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  2. Funny post. If you find something that makes you not get up several times to pee, please let me know :)

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    1. Not found anything yet, unfortunately, but I'll let you know if I do!

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  3. HAHA....Oh PLEASE come back and let us know it if works for anything you mentioned! haha....great post.

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  4. Oh, you're a delight. Best wishes on tomato gardening, by the way, and for the kind word on my blog. My fried green tomatoes were delicious, and four made so many we have leftovers! Yum. Be well, my dear.

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    1. My tomatoes are usually pretty safe as my brother tills them up in big pots and doesn't let me have them until they're well established - then even I can grow them!

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  5. Oh, you touch me, - I need some of that cream - desperately!

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  6. I don't know. I kinda like being cranky. It's way more fun than being sweet. Sweet is hell.

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    1. Ha! Yes, there is something very satisfying about being cranky, I agree!

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  7. Thanks for stopping by my blog. This is a funny post and I could use some of the cream. Your side bar cracked me up. Loved the labor comparison.

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    1. Loved your blog - will return frequently! We must share the same sense of humour!

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  8. I was feeling a bit proud that I don't start sentences with "in my day" then realised that I just say "when I was younger" instead. I have found a way to NOT get up in the middle of the night to pee, but I sure do miss that after dinner cup of coffee.

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    1. I console myself with the thought that a trip to the bathroom adds a few steps to my aim of doing 10,000 steps a day!

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