Botox For Beginners

I WAS reading that Botox may soon be available on the NHS. I was thinking about the mountain of Botox it would take to freeze all my wrinkles into submission - and the moral dilemma of costing the NHS so much money (my wrinkles v heart operation for small child, not much of a contest really) when I realised the Botox was being touted as a cure for migraine.

Oh good, that’s one moral dilemma no longer giving me a headache.

Anyway, is Botox – or any plastic surgery for cosmetic purposes - such a good idea? There’s a whole army of actresses of a certain age with wide eyes, pouting lips and a permanently surprised expression who look like they’ve been poked in the ass with a pointy stick.

When I was a teenager I was desperate to look like Cher (yes, that's her pictured above), now I'm desperate not to. I'm sure there's still a beautiful woman in there somewhere but all that plastic surgery has turned her into a caricature of her former self. Her skin is so stretched that I swear the wind changed while she was being subjected to massive G-force and she's stayed that way. Didn’t her mother ever warn her?

Don’t even get me started on ‘trout pout’ lips. Throw most celebs at a wall and they’ll stick there.

In fact it’s now so bad that A-list stars like Meg Ryan and Nicole Kidman are finding it difficult to land roles because they are unable to express emotion. Martin Scorsese has complained that there aren’t any actresses over 35 who can ‘do anger’.

In this strange world they live in, celebrities have the idea that no wrinkles plus big lips equals youthfulness. No, you don’t look younger; you look like a weird waxwork dummy, admittedly with no wrinkles and big lips.

One way of plumping up the lips is take fat cells from the buttocks and inject them into the lips. Kiss my ass. Literally.

They don’t seem to realise that they’ve all begun to look the same. Tiny bodies, expressionless faces, big lips, BIG hair and clothes that are too revealing for a nubile 19-year-old – and that’s just Sylvester Stallone and Mickey Rourke (ho, ho).

Soon the only way to find the real age of a celeb whose face has been frozen in time will be by carbon-dating. It’s enough to make you cry – without moving your face, of course.

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  1. Crikey I didn't recognise Cher! Looks like she's let all the Botox wear off!

  2. Agree totally. What bugs me is that we seem to be forgetting what normal women in their 40s and 50s look like. That, combined with the extraordinary expectations of grooming and maintenance at levels which used to make sense only for porn stars, sometimes makes me feel like I am living in some strange alien world. Then I come home or put down the magazine or switch the telly off, put my wellies on and stomp about outside for a bit until I calm down.

  3. where in the world did you find that picture of cher?? yikes. and i think the only good thing about botox is that it can relieve migraine headaches. for that, i would use it.

  4. I think we have all become so used to seeing these stars age falsely, it s quite a shock to see one who has aged naturally. We really don't role model well in this crazy world.
    I just keep using my wrinkle cream!!
    Chris Australia

  5. Bizarre.... I wonder what will be said about this era of false youthfulness far ahead in the future? Will people laugh, as we do about white-leaded faces and towering wigs?

    1. That’s if they’re able to laugh, under that freeze framed facade of Botox!

  6. Wonderful as always that, combined with the extraordinary expectations of grooming and maintenance at levels which used to make sense only for porn stars, sometimes makes me feel like I am living in some strange alien world.

  7. I am not against plastic surgery as long as it is done wisely. To make your face look youthful may indeed require some cosmetic surgery but it doesn't mean you have to have the "trout pout" lips.

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  8. Having gone grey , then white , very young and decided not to start dyeing my hair (too lazy !) , it would have been silly not to let my face age to match .
    So I can still do angry , aghast , aggrieved and affronted and lots of other expressions besides . Though I do try not to .... I don't want to frighten small children or horses .

  9. i don't think frivolous plastic surgery is ever a very good idea. though the older i get, the more i wonder if a little face-tuck-behind-the-ears would be considered frivolous....

  10. This post struck a chord as I'd been thinking about the same subject recently - and agree with you entirely.
    Saw Alice Krige, who was once a halfway decent thesp, being horribly and unnaturally immobile in a rôle calling for complex and swift emotional shifts recently. And thought 'aha: the dreaded botulinum thingy strikes again!'
    Dreary, isn't it? What is so wrong with wrinkles (says one whose only abundance lies therein ...)?

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