Losing Weight...Or Not

I've been trying to lose weight and have turned to the internet for help. The main suggestion seems to be 'shut your huge gob and get up off your fat ass'. I paraphrase.

Several people, though, said that writing down everything you eat helps you understand your eating habits and patterns.  Okey doke. Sounds logical. So I've made a start:

I fill the old man's lunchbox and eat  several chunks of ham while making his ham and tomato sandwiches. Cut him a slice of cake…and cut myself a small sliver to make sure it's not gone stale. It hasn't. Put in a packet of potato chips which reminds me there is half a packet of Cheesy Wotsits in the cupboard. Check they haven't gone stale too. They haven't. 

Breakfast: I skip breakfast as I'm not hungry. Decide stomach must be shrinking. 

11am I'm STARVING. Can't decide whether to have a very late breakfast or a very early lunch. Decide to call it brunch and eat two slices of buttered toast and peanut butter. While getting the bread out of the cupboard I spot half a packet of biscuits. They can count as "pudding". Do people have pudding at breakfast? They do now.

11.45am While working at my desk I spot half a packet of peanuts on my desk and decide I need the protein as "brain food". 

Lunch I'm not hungry. Stomach must be REALLY  shrinking, although sadly not noticeably so.

2pm I'm STARVING. Raid the fridge and find the rest of the ham, a hard boiled egg, more salad and some dried up cheese. Microwave a jacket potato. It's all a bit dry so I  put  butter on the potato and melt the cheese to go on top.

Dinner Chops, gravy, vegetables and mashed potato for the man. I have one small chop trimmed of all fat, vegetables and SALAD. Impress myself with my willpower.

9pm I'm STARVING. Eat a packet of cheese and onion chips and half a packet of chocolate digestive biscuits.

Next morning: Step on scales, haven't lost an ounce. Give up writing everything down.

Before you leave:

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  1. Love this. We have to learn to laugh at ourselves. My doctor calls it being accountable when you write down everything that goes in your mouth. And it's the only thing that really works for me.

  2. I don't understand not losing weight, seems like you skipped meals.

    Funny post!

  3. I have been trying too without much luck. I don't eat after dinner, I try to have at leas a 12 hour fast- the most I can do is 14 on a good day.

  4. I see your problem and match it with mine. Although I no longer prepare lunches for anyone else. I've taken to staying in bed a bit later, then having a bowl of hot porridge for breakfast which keeps me full until way past lunch time, then in mid afternoon when I feel hungry I eat an apple instead. So far, so good. Then I come undone after dinner when I tell myself I've been good all day so surely a bit of chocolate can't hurt, right? Except the bit of chocolate usually turns into half a family sized block, or more, depending on how late I stay up watching TV.

  5. I'm also reminded of an old joke: a woman is handed a diet sheet by her doctor, reads it through and says "this seems reasonable, but do I eat this before or after meals?"

  6. I can relate. And River's joke is awesome. :)