Squirrel Armageddon




I love animals, of course. Who, apart from the odd psychopath, doesn't? 

I love my cat Toffee (who, incidentally, has written a book), I let dogs sniff my hand and then pet them  - if they don't look as if they're about to bite it off. I share Facebook videos of hippopotami and humpback whales doing what hippopotami and humpback whales do in the wild. My heart swells when a hedgehog deigns to cross my garden.

See? I love animals.

However... one word. Squirrels.

Yes, they're floofy and furry with big fluffy tails.  But...

Don't let the little bastards sucker you in. They swoop, like ninjas in the night, and nibble on things they have no business nibbling on. Like electric cables, causing a power cut so you can't shower in the morning or make the cup of coffee that's the only thing standing between you and temporary narcolepsy.

I have a theory that squirrels are really the spawn of the devil. My proof? THEY DIDN'T GET ELECTROCUTED. They sat in the trees with a squirrelly glint in their eyes, mocking my bleary-eyed attempts to rouse a man with a van from the electricity company, only getting off their fluffy butts to pinch bird seed from the bird table - yes, taking food from the mouths of God's innocent little creatures.

What's next? Armageddon? I pray they never join forces with those other spawns of the devil, the seagulls who pinch your chips while you're sitting on the seafront at Torquay. If they do, the end of the world is nigh.


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6 comments:

  1. They are rats in cuter costumes.

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  2. I've had my battles with the buggers, but I do respect them...amazing creatures. They do get fried when they mess with electric cables, and they are often on the bottom of the food chain when predictors like foxes and large raptors are around, but they do seem indestructible and they are wicked smart!

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  3. Seagulls: rats with wings. (They love the schools around here, though. Smorgasbord.) Squirrels are tricky creatures.

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  4. We don't have squirrels here in Australia, but we have possums and rats who do the same thing.

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  5. With the added bonus of footpaths covered in possum poop under every single tree.

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  6. We are fortunate to have non invasive white squirrels here that aren't even albinoes. They are fun to spot. :) It's Canada geese that are more of a nuisance. What can you do? Be well!

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