Watching Masterchef

Proof that I can at least cook a good roast dinner - 
a certificate made for me by my niece!

It's ironic that someone like me whose culinary skills begin and end with a traditional roast dinner on a Sunday is addicted to cookery programmes on TV. Masterchef in all its incarnations is my favourite.

Masterchef: The Professionals is always mind-blowing - what those chefs can do with a dollop of a pickled turnip, a smear of passionfruit jus and a splash of shaving foam (my mistake, "citrus foam")  is nobody's business. 

Masterchef for the hoi polloi is slightly different because those contestants are trying so hard to impress. Often too hard. You are briefly cheered when one of them says they are making fish and chips. Then your heart sinks when you realise the fish is flash-seared red-lipped batfish in tempura and there are three (THREE! Not enough to keep a flea alive) chips of sweet potato flavoured with umibudo seaweed and a sprinkling of guava dust.  There's not a mushy pea in sight, but colour is provided by pearls of pureed yam.

There's the ubiquitous carpaccio of thin slices of raw meat or fish. RAW. Do they not worry about worms? Here's your carpaccio of llama liver doing the breaststroke in a coulis of ugli fruit.

Desserts come deconstructed, the ruination of an apple pie, with triangles of wafer thin pastry propped up over a strangled melange of Granny Smiths cooked in a perfumed bath, sprinkled with edible micro flowers and looking like a dystopian version of The Shard, the whole lot swimming in a sea of vanilla custard - or crème anglaise as we must now call it. Hey, don't drag we poor English people into your culinary madness.

A deconstructed apple pie...

Even so, good or bad, I'm always amazed at the level of expertise and imagination exhibited by these amateur chefs. I'm off now to watch last night's programme on catch-up, a dinner of cottage pie and carrots on my lap.

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  1. Pot roast was my husband's favorite meal and one of my favorites too. I can actually do a decent pot roast but that's the extent of my culinary skills. I used to love watching cooking shows but they came with a No Not Try This at Home label on my TV. lol

  2. You pretty much covered all the cooking shows. I am a fan as well. Not familiar with "Masterchef" But many just as you describe.

  3. That is a cute certificate. :)

  4. I watch those with a side of "I would not want to eat that" which I think takes the fun out of it.

  5. None of what you described sounds edible to me. Give me a regular paper packet of fish'n'chips any day. We'll picnic on the beach with them and share a bottle of lemonade.